I never told you what I do for a living
by WhyNotJasper
Summary: Dr. Cullen has had it with his childrens spending habits. He decides its time they learn the value of a dollar by making them all get jobs. Will them keeping jobs be worth the trouble?
1. Ultimatum

**AN: I KNOW ITS SHORT, BUT I WANTED TO GET THIS ONE OUT THERE.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

"Why is Alice jumping out the window?" Emmett came down the stairs to meet Edward, Jasper and Rosalie down in the living room. Carlisle rubbed his temples; he knew if he could get headaches, he would have a major one right now. "Edward, please meet her under the window and get her."

"Sure thing" Edward got up from the couch and raced outside.

"I'll bet you two-thousand were in trouble." Emmett jumped over the couch next to Jasper and eyed him playfully. "Ok, but not two-thousand, make it worth my while, how about 10? Emmett rolled his eyes "fine, ten then" Carlisle stared at both of them. The look of shock completely absorbed his face. Everyone turned to hear the vase by the door fall to the floor.

"NOOOOOO, LET ME GOOO!!" Alice yelled trying to grab hold of the window pane.

Edward grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up with his other hand he put his hand over her mouth to shut her up.

"Jasper looked over to Emmett with wide eyes; bet you five hundred she'll take down Edward."

Emmett leaned forward on the couch and saw the state of Alice. "Of course!"

"Alice Cullen! Behave yourself" Carlisle boomed from the front of the room. Edward stood there holding the smallest of his siblings in his hands. Slowly he sat her on the couch and quickly sat next to her just in case she wanted to escape again.

"I've called you all here for a family meeting" Carlisle began looking at all of his children.

Each one of them shifted nervously except for Alice, who had her hands folded across her chest pouting.

"It has come to my attention that as a father, I have never really given you an opportunity to learn the value of a dollar." He paused, "I see all of you have problems with money, and I think now is a good time to address this." Edward folded his arms across his chest.

"Edward, you cannot keep trying to buy Bella off by getting her whatever she wants." He started pacing around. "Alice, you've maxed out all ten credit cards we have given you, Jasper and Emmett," He sighed; he didn't even know where to begin. "I have half a mind to call Chief Swan and tell him about your gambling addictions. You do know that's illegal right?" Jasper and Emmett hung their head in shame. "Rosalie, all of your beauty products are covering the counters for all the bathrooms, I really don't see why you need all that stuff, your dead remember? No amount of creams or lotions is going to reverse that."

Carlisle stopped talking and stared at all the kids solemnly. Every one of them was quiet.

"Starting Monday, I will expect each of you to get a job." Emmett jumped up, "Carlisle…"

"Emmett, sit"

He sighed and sat down. "Now…with all of your looks and vampire charm, I'm sure all of you will be able to find one fairly quickly."

"Where are we supposed to find jobs at?" Rosalie eyed him suspiciously.

"Anywhere close enough to drive, and remember, find jobs that your good at. You have two days to secure employment." He sighed one last sigh.

"Alice and Rosalie grab your purses."

"NO CARLISLE PLEASE!" Alice whimpered.

"Boys, take out your wallets."

"I want ALL the credit cards, and for safety measures, I'm canceling all of them."

"What?!" Jasper was dumbstruck.

"From here on out, any money you spend will be from your paycheck only."

"Carlisle, how am I supposed to buy Bella that car?" Edward was horrified.

"Son, start saving now…" Edward shook his head in disbelief.

"Emmett and Jasper, any more bets, I will report you to Chief Swan"

"Ok" both of them grumbled.

"All of you dismissed, remember, 2 days."

**YES? NO? MAYBE SO? REVIEW PLEASE..**


	2. Alice

**THIS WONDERFUL PIECE WAS WRITTEN BY MY WONDERFUL BETA IMWITHTHEVAMPIRES08. HOPE YOU LIKE!**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR THE CRAZY CHARACTERS.**

Third Person POV

It was the beginning of another day and Edward strolled into the Cullen home. All his brothers and sisters were lounging around in the living room when Emmett turned around towards Edward and spoke. "So Edward, coming back from another evening with fair Bella? Have you gotten laid yet?"

Edward glared at him and growled.

"Apparentely not." Jasper replied.

"Guys, I don't have time for this. I'm gonna be late." Alice huffed.

Alice had been the first of the Cullen family to get a job. It was something she thouroughly enjoyed. She even had business cards made to pass out to her clientele which read:

**Alice Cullen**

**Wedding Planner**

**"Where the service is guaranteed, but the spouse is not."**

"So are you almost done with this wedding or what?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes, they marry in two days."

"I'm surprised they even kept you as their wedding co-ordinator after the stunt you pulled." said Edward.

Alice grimaced as she recalled how she single handedly almost broke up the bride and groom. It was only a few days after the planning company hired her that Mrs. Allen, the owner, passed off a very prestigious wedding into the capable hands of Alice. While she had been preparing floral arrangements, Alice had a vision. She had seen the groom kissing and hugging a dark haired beauty, which could not have been his bride to be, considering she was a blonde. So, Alice did the only thing she could do. She waited until the appropriate time and told the bride to be. Well, needless to say, a big uproar was heard all throughout the company when the woman cried and cried her eyes out. Turns out, the dark haired beauty ended up being the grooms cousin. There was alot of apologies made and the company almost got rid of Alice for good. But, she redeemed herself and the happy couple decided to give Alice another shot. From then on, she had decided not to use her psychic powers for anything. It was more trouble than it was worth.

"Well, that won't happen again, I can assure you. I am through with misunderstandings. If you all need anything, you know my number." and Alice walked out.

APOV

I wanted to go straight to the office, but at the last minute, I realized that there was really nothing more effective I could do there. It really was handy that I couldn't sleep. Everyone at work thought I was a speed demon and were amazed to find how much I got done is so little time. I really was pleased with how this wedding was coming along. These people were both up and coming artists. In fact, they had made paintings for each other which would adorn the walls of the reception area. All of my wedding plans were coming out perfect, besides the one little flaw of almost breaking up the happy couple. But there was something that was missing from all of my wonderful planning. Some masterpiece that would set this wedding over the edge. But what? This had to be a wedding that everyone would remember. I racked my brains trying to figure something out. Another painting would definitely not work. They were painters themselves. What to do, what to do? And then, I got it. It was so brilliant, I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before! But, I remembred I wasn't exactly using my psychic ability at the moment, so that would explain the lack of knowledge.

This was going to be unforgettable. I just knew it.

CPOV

I walked into my home, my haven, when I realized that the boys were on edge. I had heard from Jasper that Alice had been trying to get a certain sculpture to the wedding that she had been planning. But Jasper said that it wasn't exactly going well. There was no way she could buy her way to it, considering all the accounts had been put on hold and her credit cards had been shredded. According to Jasper, he had tried to dissuade Alice from persuing this demented idea, but to no avail. Alice wanted the wedding to go off with a bang, and she would not rest until she got what she wanted.

"What's up guys? Why the apprehension?" I asked, although I truly didn't want to know. Edward looked at me and smirked.

"Oh nothing Carlisle," Jasper said. "It's nothing that we can't handle."

"Well, don't do anything that will cause any problems. You know how easily you can get yourselves into trouble."

"Of course not!" Emmett said. "We will be perfect angels"

Edwards face told me otherwise.

I walked upstairs to greet my beautiful wife. I had hoped that she had gotten my phone message and would greet me in nothing but a pair of heels and...

"CARLISLE!! PLEASE!!" Edward bellowed out.

"Sorry!" I said. After all this time, I still wasn't used to having Edward in my head. I forgot plenty of times, but Edward would just give me a look or a nudge and I would quickly wipe my thoughts out of my head. I mean, it's not like we hadn't had this discussion before. I reminded him that I got 'stuck' in my twenties...so I still had a healthy libido that I wasn't ashamed of. But I know how it could take a toll on poor Edward. If he would just give into Bella already...

"I can still hear you! And leave me out of your thoughts!" Edward shouted.

_Sorry Edward_, I thought back to him. I walked into my bedroom and had just started to undress when my cell phone rang. Hmmmm, probably the hospital calling with an emergency.

"Hello."

"Yes, I'm looking for a Dr. Carlisle Cullen?" the man on the other end asked.

"This is he. How may I help you?"

"Yes, well, we have a very delicate matter in our hands. Do you by any chance know an Alice Cullen?"

Oh no...

EPOV

I heard Carlisle's phone ring and knew it could not be good. Jasper and Emmett froze where they were and stared at me waiting for my reaction. I was processing the thoughts going on in Carlisle's head. I was worried at first when I heard the man on the other end of the phone but started laughing hysterically at the end of the conversation. I couldn't believe it! Well, actually, I could. I mean, this was Alice we were talking about. My sudden out burst left Jasper a bundle of nerves and Emmett was practically giddy to see what I had been able to dig out of Carlisle.

"I know your not going to tell me anything else, but is this about Alice?" Jasper asked wearily.

"Yes, it is" I replied.

"Would this interest me?" Emmett asked curiously.

"Em, you wouldn't want to miss this for the world." I said.

Carlisle came rushing down and grabbed his car keys.

"Your not leaving without me Carlisle." Jasper said.

"Jasper, I don't think it's a good idea. Just wait here for me." Carlisle responded. I knew he was trying to save Alice some dignity.

"No, I'm her husband. I need to go. Please, I'm asking this as her husband, not as your son." Jasper said.

Carlisle hesitated for just a brief moment, and then caved. "Alright, let's go."

"Wait! We're going too." Emmett shouted.

Yeah...I wasn't going to miss this for anything.

CPOV

We arrived at the security station for the museum which Alice was currently holed up in. I still hadn't told Jasper or Emmett what was going on, although I knew Edward knew. I woudl've liked to have thought that Edward was too much of a gentlemen to say anything about Alice's current situation, but the fact that Emmett was here and the look on Edward's face told me otherwise.

"Excuse me sir, I'm Carlisle Cullen, I got a call about Alice Cullen?" I said.

"Oh yeah, the spunky dark haired girl." the security guard said. "They've alreay sent her to the local jail. You can talk to an officer there about bailing her out."

"Under what charges?" Jasper demanded.

"Son, that's not really important right now. We'll just go and get Alice and leave." I was trying to diffuse the situation, but I knew Jasper wouldn't leave without a thorough explanation.

"Well, sir, that pretty little young lady was caught breaking and entering and attempted robbery." the guard replied.

"But that's just crazy. I mean, this is an arts museum, right? What could she have possibly been taking?"

"Well, sir, have you ever heard of the sculpture called the David"?

Oh no. I covered my face in my hands.

"Of course I do. What about it?" Jasper said. Oblivious as to what his wife could've done that was so bad.

"Well sir, it seems that Alice, tried to steal it. At least, that's what we're hoping she was trying to do."

This was not going very well at all.

"What do you mean, you were hoping she was trying to steal it? I don't follow you."

"Well, sir, perhaps I can show you the surveillance video."

"No, no, that won't be necessary. If you could just point the way to the police station..." I barely got the words out before Edward and Emmett broke in.

"What? Our sister would never do a thing like that. This is outrageous! I won't believe it till I see it!" Emmett said.

Damn him and his use of psychology.

Edward just put on a good show of looking enraged at the thought of his saintly sister being a thief. I really had to get them to have more hobbies besides each other.

We followed the security guard wordlessly to the security area where there was a t.v. set up with surveillance cameras placed all over the museum. He pulled out a video and popped it into the player.

I sighed deeply and thought, _Here we go_.

The room was empty, save for the sculpture of the David standing in the middle of the room in all his naked glory. Then Alice stepped into the scene staring at the sculpture and walking around it. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to figure out the best way possible to get it out of the museum while causing the least possible damage. But to an outsider, it looked like Alice was gawking at it, marveling at the piece of stone art. After a minute of silent debate Alice had decided the best possible way was to lift the sculpture up by wrapping her arms around the statue so that her face was in David's private area. She had just started to lift the statue off of the floor when she was surrounded by security guards and police officers. They yelled freeze and Alice just froze. Right there. With her arms wrapped around the David and her face in his lap.

I had almost never felt as embarrased as I did now. Almost, because I still had Emmett as a son. And nothing Alice did could top that.

I glanced over at my three sons.

Edward had the biggest smirk on his face...that boy was going to gloat and hold this over Alice's head for decades to come.

Emmett looked like he just won the lottery. He was grinning like there was no tomorrow.

Jasper had his mouth hung open and was speechless. Of course he knew that his wife wasn't molesting a stone sculpture, not when she had one of her own at home. But still, he knew what it looked like.

And I knew that it was going to take at least a century for Alice to forgive me for bringing her stupid brothers.

"What exactly did she say when you all caught her?" Jasper asked, still too stunned for his mouth to close fully.

"Well, she said she was just trying to see how heavy the statue was and if it was possible to be lifted. And that she had always dreamed of being able to hold a cold, stone statue of her own. We told her we were going to go with attempted burglary charges."

Edward was having a hard time controlling his laughter. Whatever the guard was thinking was making Edward cough too many times.

"Well then, I guess we should go get our sister out of jail." Emmett said. He didn't look mad or upset at all, like he had been earlier. Just giddy to get himself out and find Alice.

"Thank you for your time and I assure you, this won't happen again." I replied.

We went to the police station and bailed Alice out. It was a pretty penny that I had to spend just to be able to get her out tonight. Of course, she was angry I had dragged her brothers with me and was mortified to learn that we had all seen the tape, Jasper included. I made Edward and Emmett go back to the museum and police station to find the tapes and destroy them, but I had a feeling that Emmett might've kept that particular video to add to our families Hall of Shame.

Needless to say, Alice got fired from her job when word got around that she was a criminal. The bride and groom asked for a restraining order to be put on Alice, so she wouldn't go anywhere near them on their wedding day.

This whole job thing wasn't going nearly as smoothly as I hoped. Little did I know that Alice was the first of five to fall from the graces of the employment community.

**WELL BE TRYING TO POST AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS SO FAR!**


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